Motivation
No Mow May. It Was a Thing.
But not by my choice, HELP!
I bought the farm 9 years ago. A beautiful 11 acre chunk of upstate New York with a huge fenced in garden/orchard area. The property had been abandoned for three years. Bringing it back from the brink of re-forestation was a chore and a half!
I’ve left about 5 acres in woods, 4 acres in meadow, and two acres in mowed/tended landscape. My problem is the equipment keeps breaking down on me! Hidden stumps and random strings of wire blown in on the wind are the bane of my existence.
My tractor, victim of a battle between a wicked stump and inexperienced driver, was on its third week in the repair-shop. None of the push mowers would start — and well price of gas!
Because of wildfire hazards my insurance requires that I mow at least the acre around the house. I also try to keep the orchard/garden mowed to reduce ticks and varmint hideaways.
Because of equipment failure coupled with failure to find a fair and responsible small engine repair service, the grass was out of control. I had mowed once in April. Then May brought heavy rains, intense work responsibilities, and the stump-hidden-wire incident. The grass in the two acres was 6–8 inches high. The grass and weeds in the orchard garden that had not been mowed was 18 inches or more.
I fell into a mental breakdown well.
What the hell was I thinking-I can’t run a farm and work full-time. I should sell this place. It is too much. Anxiety and despair took over. Or worse, I’m just lazy. The sin of all sins- sloth.
This thinking is followed by the others have it worse quit your bitchin’ reappraisal trap. I can’t stop thinking about the families in Ukraine, the lady-farmer planting onions by hand despite bombs exploding nearby. The families who lost their jobs or their loved ones during covid. The shame and guilt worsen my motivation and ability to get-up, get-out and get-going.
I spiral. My thinking is scrambled. Thoughts were flitting from one thing to another. My leg starts bouncing again. I peel my fingernails off to the nubs. I disappear into hours of binge TV watching. I’ve done this so many times in the last 6 months…